Who I am NOT

 It is funny how you sometimes get to hear how other people who do not know you well make snap judgements on what type of person they think you must be. I have often walked around with people making snap judgements about me simply because I have red hair and for some reason redheads are seen often as bitches. The reason behind this I have no idea. It was way way worse when I was super skinny, then I was seen as the skiiny redheaded bitch and that never went well for me. People often never give me a chance just because of that, their loss-not sure if I care to have friends who make snap judgements like that anyway.
 Then as I grew I was often seen as a party girl when in reality I hate drinking, I honestly do not like drinking. I cannot stand the smell of any hard alcohol let alone the taste. Beer in my opinion tastes like something I would throw away because it spoiled. Wine is also not for me. If I have a drink it is a fruity taste and you cannot detect taste amounts of alcohol in it. Further more I do not like that tipsy feeling, and I can count on my one hadn how many times I have been drunk in my entire life. Drinking is just not for me. Funny cause I am Irish and going along with the sterotype I should be a raging lush! I admit back in my late teenage years I was known to have fun but not drinking...it was a darker time in my life. Lessons learned then, came out on top.
 These days I am passions including empowered childbirth, breastfeeding, carseats, raising children properly, attachment parenting and those passions of mine carry their own snap judgements. If you are a facebook friend of mine you do know I post things related to these, I have a lot of birthy friends on facebook, some of whom I never met in real life, and i know they would find those things intresting to read. I also know plenty of people who are pregnant, new moms, and who are trying to get pregnant and I do want them to have all information they have to make informed choices because becoming a parents is certainly life changing and gathering hoards of information about it I think is super important. BUT doing so makes people see me in often this weird hippie crazy-squat in the woods have a baby-condemn others for having drugs for birth or using formula for the baby type of person when if you actually know me I am not. I mean yes I would rather all babies have breastmilk but even my own children have had formula-Ladybug solely from 8 months on and Mister once becase I simply could not take his insane screaming anymore (and for some reason thought formula would make it better...PPD sucks BTW). I also had drugs in labor with Ladybug-surprise! While yes I do have these passions they do not consume who I am as a person and I am not one sided. If you ask for my advise on something I will give it, I will not force down your throat. And if you do not have the same views as I do then fine I don't mind. The beauty of being human is freedom of thought, otherwise we would all be so boring I think suscide rates would be high...or not cause we would all think alike...anywho it doesn't matter what I am passionate about it does not make who I am. maybe try and get past those things if they do not interest you. I have plenty of birthy friends who I can talk to about these things but I also like other type of more "normal" type friends ...if there is a normal anymore.
 Marine Wife. It's a title that never used to mean anything living at Camp Lejeune as there were thousands of us. We never stood out from the one standing next to us honestly. We outnumbered the civilian wives in jacksonville! Marine Wife is printed on the front of my car with a cool little licence plate along with an EGA (eagle globe and anchor). It has been there since like a week after The Marine bought my car for me. I just liked it and wanted it on there. It only seems to matter living here, among mostly Army wives. Now for the rest of this part of my post try to put big girl panties on as I am not trying to say Army wives are catty or something it's just the age of division of military branches coming into play. So when we PCS'ed here I never thought about my status of not being just like the others, and I never thought I would stand out or be excluded because I wasn't married to Army! Although the majority of wives do not care I have come across a few who actually do and I don't know why. I do not flaunt around prancing my husbands branch like it's so much better or something. I wear t-shirts with Marine things on them, yes, but so do Army wives and I don't get offended! The plate on my car was there long before we knew we were coming here, I am not taking it off just cause we live here. I found to be more excluded in the neighborhood we lived in while we lived on base. Something about not being Army made the people not bother to welcome us, or bother even saying a simple hi all the while they held cookouts for each other all summer long, exlcude much? We also felt a little put off by the housing department too living on base, they seemed to always target us over our neighbors who offended more, maybe we made that up in our heads but it certainly seemed that way-one reason why we moved. I post funny videos on facebook sometimes poking fun at the Army while failing to remember I have several Army wives friends on my friends list, most of whom do not know a simple fun fact about me. My Father in Law spent 30 years enlisted in the Army, he made Command Sergeant Major.  He also has his own facebook page and we enjoy poking fun at one another sometimes like that cause it's a fun thing, not a meanOMG the Army sucks type thing. I must say I am sorry if these things were taking to heart because you didn't know the story behind them. All of those things seems to have often made me unapproachable to other wives and that sucks cause again being married to The Marine does not define who I am. If you knew me really you would find that I have become rather salty when it comes to dealing with the Marine Corps here, our unit has made all of that possible and could break any super moto-young Marine into a salty disgruntaled person. Remember my longing for fleet Marine Corps again?!  And even if I wasn't salty who cares if I love my Marine and am proud of him, aren't all military wives super proud of their husbands no matter what branch?

 so snap judgements based on who you think I should be suck. Stop doing them. It really is your loss because my friends can tell you once you are my friend I do care about you, and I treat you as good or better than I want to be treated. I like the saying always be extra nice to people because everybody has a battle you know know about ... I am a good friend when I have a good friend. However I don't take kindly to cross people, shady people, liars, fake people, asskissers, and people who rub me the wrong way.

Don't judge Books by the Covers.

Post Surgery

 Well I am finally feeling almost normal, despite trying to be full on again and getting a few nose bleeds telling me to stop it. I can be up for amounts of time now so that is great! Everyday I feel better than the day before and I can breathe! This surgery was no joke, no surgery really is but this one ended up being more than I thought it would be. First off I apparently suck coming out of anesthesia, I am kind of mean-demanding-and tell people to just leave me alone, which I don't see the problem I mean just let me sleep and stop trying to make me eat the damn crackers! Here is the run down of what happened cause I am bored.

 The hospital called the night before and asked I come in an hour earlier than scheduled, but in the end it made no difference as they ran late. So I was awake at 4am due to nerves. Which was even more awful because i was really thirsty and I couldn't drink anything, but the nervous made me not hungry and that was a plus I guess. I then made the complete and utter mistake of searching youtube for the surgery I was about to have done to me...yep...bad idea...I got 30 seconds into the first video and stopped right there. I decided that I didn't want to know at all what was about to happen, just that I was going to have surgery to fix my nose and horribley infected sinuses and be blissfully happy that it was being done.

 We arrived at the surgery center right on time and while The Marine parked the truck I got all checked in, which was quick and easy actually they had all my information they just needed to varify that I was I. Funny thing is I kept begging The Marine to go home and pretend that I had surgery and he wouldn't but when I walked in these two nurses had charts pulled betting on who would be a no show and I was one of the bets. Ha Ha ladies lost with me! So after a very short wait the one nurse called me back and we walked to pro-op room where I got my gown on (and super snazzy sexy mesh undies) and my IV started (now I am pretty sure the IV was spposed to be running the whole time and it wasn't, we noticed this right before they wheeled me back). After about half an hour The Marine was called back to wait with me and watch my clothing until they took me back. So we waited and cracked some jokes and played the game words with friends on our phones. side note if you have not played this free app yet go download it cause it's super fun. I don't much like scrabble but this is fun! The pre-op room is borning, just big enough for two chairs, a bed, a small computer deck with computer on it and a door to the bathroom. No tv, no fun, nothing to even put in my bag for later besides a pair of hospital socks.The room was boring and I quickly got bored ...then hungry. 

  So when my doctor came into the room to make sure I was ready I knew it wouldn't be long after before I was wheeled back. He was in a good mood and happy to see me, maybe he thought I wasn;t coming too? I like my doctor he is one of those who generally actually cares about his patients wellbeing and not the bottom dollar he makes, which I will have a prime example of later on. So when he left the room and the anesthesiologist came in along with a surgical nurse, they asked some basic questions and soon the anesthesiologist was pumping my IV full of versed which acts really fast and is fun! I felt it take effect as I was wheeled out of my doorway into the hallway and the last thing I remember was the warm fuzzy totally high feeling and telling the nurse that "the good stuff just kicked in" and she smiled at me and said "good sweetie".

 I woke up to some rude sounding in my mind nurse saying it was time to wake up now and if I was in any pain. I managed to tell her I wasn't done sleeping and that my face hurt. She said if i woke up I could have two vicodins to feel better, only if i woke up. So I did cause my face really hurt. It felt like I was smashed with a brick in the nose and surronding areas and that my upper jar and roof of my mouth were broken as well. This pain really sucked and I knew it wasn't as bad as it really was because I was still pretty drugged up so I took those pain pills fast to avoid further more painful pain. I knew I was in the recovery room cause there were several beds in there with me that I could see through the slits of my eyes. I apparently wasn't coming out of it well one nurse told another and was kept in that room a little longer to make sure I was going to be ok. Sometimes nurses need to remember that people do hear and remember things, but maybe this was the kick in my butt I needed to hear to force myself to come out of it. I remember thinking I was so tired and sleeping was going to be the best way to go but that everybody wanted me to wake up for a reason probably so I needed to wake up if i was worrying a nurse. I could still barely open my eyes they felt so heavy and everything sounded really loud to me! I thought people were yelling they were so loud!

 Once I woke up enough they took the sticky things off me, I counted 7 of them. I was then ready to be wheeled into my post-op room. that ride made me dizzy I decided and i wanted to go back to sleep but the nurses there wanted me to wake up and eat some crackers and drink some pop. It was nice of them to ask me what kind of pop I wanted, I choose serria mist as I thought it would help my tummy. So I ate I think half of one cracker and drank the pop for my tummy. The new nurse told me that my doctor went to find The Marine and talk about the surgery but he wasn't out there, to which I replied remember I am apparently a tad mean at this point that his dumb ass probably went to get something to eat. I knew he was hungry because he did not eat (he said he felt bad eating when  Icouldn't) and I had no idea what time it was...for all I knew I was only out 5minutes! I do feel bad for caling his dumb-ass but in my defense I was groggy and I am mean groggy. She said in about 5 minutes she would call out to see if he was back yet, I asked what time it was cause i tired looking at the clock in the room and couldn't read it. I forgot I had taken my contacts out and did not have my glasses for a second so when I couldn't read the clock I had a second of panic that I was blind now. It was close to 3pm she said, I lost 2 hours of my life.

 The Marine was finally located and he came back!!! From here on until later that night seemed to go very fast to me as i was in and out of things. I know he was being told about aftercare, a bunch of stuff about saline rinses in my nose and how often to give pain meds, antibiotics, and keep my head upright. I at some point had some gauge taped to my face to catch any bloody drips from my nose. Then my friend came in to see me!! She had said she might come by but wasn't sure if she could so it meant a lot that she was there! She came with some very pretty yellow roses and a sweet card that is now hanging on my fridge! She is a nurse so she was asking a lot fo questions of the nurse.

 I basically wanted to sleep and was trying to tune people out to get to sleep but everybody was so loud! The gauge taped to my face was itchy and I kept trying to move it but somebody kept putting it back. At one point they took the tape gauge off and replaced it with thing thing that wraps around your ears and holds it in place which wasn't any better in my opinion. Not sure how long I stayed in that room but soon it was time to go and so the nurse and my friend helped me into a wheelchair while The Marine pulled the truck up to the front. I do know that I was happy to have a puke bucket because there sure were lots of twists and turns getting out of there and by the time I was up into the truck I was ready to throw up. I was alarmed that I threw up blood until I rmemebered that I had probably been swallowing the blood from my sinues and nose and that is all I had in me to empty so no big deal. The Marine emptied the bucket fast and my friend got me a drink of water :-) I do not remember the ride home or getting into the house, all I know is that I was comfy on a reclined couch. We did good 3years ago buying these big fluffy fully reclining couches!

 I know that my friend stayed with me while The Marine got my medications filled and a few things like popcicles and chicken soup but I also slept the entire time I think. I remember telling her how much it meant to me that she was there and crying cause it really means a lot to me. She set my beautiful yellow roses up in a vase and on the table next to me so I could see them. I slept often that first day/night really and i don't remember much just little pieces I maybe made up in my head who knows I tend to dream vividly while on pain killers. the first saline mist up my nose sucked big time and I no longer wanted to do that at all even though I had to, like take something that feels like it was smashed like a brick and shooting streams of water up there...ya NO! I did keep on doing this though because aftercare is just as important as the surgery I was told so I really want to avoid another surgery.

 So day one sucked and I slept most of it away. The Marine has been wonderful and set alarms to wake him up to give me my meds so that I wasn't feeling much pain and it didn't overwhelm me.

 Day two I slept more than I was awake again. I ate some soups and popcicles and toast but nothing hard cause the roof of my mouth hurt badly. Thursday eveing my phone rang and it was my wonderful doctor! Remember how I said he is the real type who actually cares? Well he called from his home just to make sure I was feeling alright and if I needed anything. He said my sinues looked better than expected but there were other things he wasn't expecting which he would explain at my follow up on Monday. How often does your doctor call you these days to make sure you are ok? not often...they don't get paid for that. I thought that was great!

 Friday-Day three I was awake more but still nicely medicated. It didn't hurt so bad so we thought maybe we should do pain meds less often starting the next day. I was still sleeping on the couch and not moving much except for bathroom breaks.

 Saturday day four I felt better and good enough to try pain meds less often. This proved to not be the best idea actually.

Now I wanna address something that is bugging me. I miss my kids but I also wanna be the best mommy to them I can be so yes they are gone with their grandparents, who can blame me? I needed surgery and I KNOW I cannot be mommy after surgery, whats best for us all is for me to heal 100% and they can come home. This isn't a vacation for me, this recovery sucks and hurts but I need to recover peacufully. This does not make me any less of a mother than annybody else no matter who tries to make me seem like that. I made a comment on my FB about missing my kids after talking to them that night and yes I do miss my kids. I had an extremely rude comment posted to that about how I could just go get them...if I wanted. Yep...cause I only sent them away for fun and I don't want them home or something. This comment still pisses me off thinking about it. I talked with my friend today at lunch about it, she felt the same way, along with a few messages in my inbox stating the same. I maybe could delete the rude comment but I don't delete things, I leave them as is and if the person deletes them fine, I just don't. I am smart enought to know that I cannot be the mommy they need at this point in time during the recovery from surgery, I am smart enought to leave them with people who love them and take care of them. It's all fine and dandy to have your kids 100% of the time because you feel 100% of the time and never are sick enough or had just had surgery or some other thing but not in my case. I thought the person who wrote this was a friend, but I misjudged probably and am deeply hurt by her judgemental and rude comment about my parenting. you know who you are, and what you did was purely out of a mean judgemental attitude because you would never leave your kids, and that's you. This is me and I am not in a mompetition with anybody. Dismount that high horse and get over it. and done

 Sunday I thought I was going to feel good enough to get up and make an appearence at my friend's son's 5th birthday party. I got a shower and that's all the further it went, boy that took all out of me that I had and so then I was done. I felt bad but she understood. I spet the rest of the day, it hurt from being up like that. I watched army wives later that night and that was all.
 Moday The Marine had to go back to work and I had a follow up appointment in the morning. He came home to help me get dressed as I attempted this by myself and got nowhere fast. Sitting in the waiting room sucked cause it made me dizzy and my face felt like throbbing pressure. But the doctor said I was looking great and healing well. He then told me how the bone spur he cut from my nose, the left side-the side that hurts way more and bleeds more, he wasn't expecting that and was surprised that it never bothered me cause it was "a good size". He said my septum was worse than he saw to begin with and wondered what I had done to make it like that, I have no idea, I don't remember any major trama! He said all-in-all I was looking good and to keep up the good aftercare and see him in a month for a scope to check things out. UGH...scope...not fun in my eyes. But the nurse said it isn't bad, I get numbed first and it lasts about a minute maybe two at the most. If I notice any colored drainage or smells from my nose to call asap and come right in cause I may have an infection. Other than that good job! I got a new prescription to a new lesser pain pill which really helps the pain much better than the other stuff! It doesn't leave me super loopy either!! The rest of the day I sepnt being bored and laying around cause i tired to get up and it made me dizzy. That night I thought I could lay down in my bed again but it didn't work out. The pressure from laying flat was a bit too much for me and it ended up hurting so I went downstairs to the couch just in time to have a nose bleed...those suck. I don't ever get those so it sucked.

 Tuesday- feeling pretty good so I decided to start cleaning carpets before kids come home, and clean kitchen, and maybe the bathroom downstairs. Had to stop when nose started bleeding again :-( took a short nap and my wonderful friend came over to see how I was. She must have known I was bored and suggested lunch!! Yummy panera and a real conversation made me feel lots better!!! I am so thankful!!! So that's where I am. I think I am going to clean a little more carpet and rest, carpet-rest, carpet-rest and see how that does me.

 The kids are due home Thursday morning some time and I am so excited!!! I miss those two like crazy, the house is much too quiet-clean-and boring for me!!! The toys are all put up and not all over it's so weird!! I need to get carpets cleaned before they get here though so I have to work on that.

I am So Nervous...

....I really feel like I could puke right now. My sinus surgery is today and I am just about sick to my stomach nervous about it. I have to be at the hospital at 1030am to get checked in and everything for my noon surgery. Last night we left the babies with their grandparents and I hated leaving them like I always do even though I know they are going to be perfectly happy where they are. I know I need to focus on the good things the main one being my daily horrid killer headaches (which I actually have learned to live with) will probably end, I can breathe normally again, I will be able to sleep restful again, I won't be running high a high risk of menigitis anymore from the severly infected sinues in my head, I might finally feel normal again and be able to get up and go again!
 But I am still nervous. I am nervous because I had to have a brain mapping scan so the doctor doesn't "mess something up" (his words), I am nervous that soemthing does go wrong and in which case I told my husband I better be wearing cloth diapers if I need them he had better find me some, I am nervous this won't fix my problems, I am nervous because this is going to hurt no way around that. I am plain nervous.
 I have been filling my sleepless morning with photgraphy and this 7 day free photo class The Joy of Luck it's pretty fun. I have edited a free shots from a recent wedding and couples shoot and been sick nervous. I miss my babies badly...I wish I could have had my normal morning wake up that I take for granted so often. My sweet Ladybug climbing in bed to snuggle and telling me she loves me while kissing my cheek or forehead. She makes her early morning wake up calls worth it. And waiting for my Mister to wake up and smile when I walk in his room. I miss them... I sat in Ladybugs room for a little bit this morning cause it's so peaceful in there trying to find calm.
 so today say a nice prayer that the surgons hands are steady and that things go smoothly please! and a reminder...if the next blog is wacky or whatever, I was probably blooging under the influence lol

Pet Peeves- Birth Style- yes it's a rant

 Ok my birth pet peeves are curently playing out in real life as I type. I have offered my educated opinion time and time again (because when you post to the public you open up for public comments, and to combate the stupidity I read I have to say something) but today was it. I offered my final as I see it and walked away. I know exactly where this is headed and it drives me insane but for my own mental health I have to just stop watching the trainwreck happen. I cannot do any more to help.
 So what is happening anyway, why does this upset me? Well cause I hate seeing people end up just another statistic. I want better for people, for new moms, and for their new babies...I want better for them all. I wish I did not care so much but I do. I can see the future of this thing and the future is surgery for non-medicallay needed reasons, the reasons are on my birth pet peeve list and are top on the list.

 Big Baby

 really how "big" is too "big" these days. I know plenty of women who birth 8-9+ pound babies no problem on a regular basis. How does one even know that a baby is "too big" befgore they are born anyway? The guessitmate from feeling the belly, the inaccurate ultrasound, the quick observation of how a woman carries. None of those things are correct and are all horribly inaccurate. I have had doctors and midwives lose money on how big both my children would be at birth. With Ladybug I had a quick pre-term labor scare that required an ultrasound at 34 weeks and they guessed she was 6+ pounds right then...she came out at 7lbs 13oz so what happened to that huge baby I kept getting threatened with? Or how about my midwife actually losing money on a bet she made about the size of Mister...she was so sure he would be a 9+ pound baby that she lost $20 when he came out at 7pounds 15oz! So why?? well I firmly believe that your body will only grow a baby that your body can birth, it is that simple. I have a theory that in the last weeks of pregnancy your body stops gaining weight actually so that they are the perfect size for your body to birth naturally. Trust this, mother nature designed us perfectly for birth...it is what we do! Yes I know there is a small population who actually cannot birth larger babies but like I said that is a small population, not like what American doctors lead you to think..that we are all broken. Let go of this fear and trust your body, trust your baby, trust in birth!

Failure to Wait

 Or in most medical charts it is written as "failure to progress" only because failure to wait isn't a favorable medical term because it places blame on the doctor for not waiting and they like to place the blame on mom for not progressing like textbooks say they should. What is the big hurry to get the baby out if nothing is medically wrong with both mom and baby? Why can we not just wait until the baby singles our bodies that it is time? It would save us loads of surgeries! I understand the feelings at the end of pregnancy, you are tired and sore and swollen and huge...all of these things seem major to you when you are there but trust me every single pregnant woman feels the same way at the end . We all go through the pains and aches and moods and you just cannot wait to hold that sweet baby finally, but just wait. If you cannot wait and the baby is born against their wishes you cannot exactly hold a NICU baby too much...so lose-lose there. Ya that sounds blunt but I am blunt. A baby who is ripped from moms body before they are ready statistically speaking will spend have some nicu time for one reason or another the major one being "wet lungs". Just have some patience with your unborn baby, trust that you cannot be pregnant forever! I know one mom who just had their son born at 43 weeks and some days because she trusted and waited..and he wasn't a huge baby either, and she had him naturally. As long as you and baby are ok than it is ok to wait!

 ok those are my two pet peeves for birth today. I hope that the future I see is wrong for this one and that she doesn't fall into the statistic for her age group and first time mom but as of right now fear has taken over, once that happens Dr. Stabby hands steps in to "save the day" ....sigh.... if I could only save them all

Where Have I Been?!?!?

 I have been insanely busy with fun projects, learning, taking pictures, and the kids!!! There have been a few things that has happened lately. 1.) I got my hardcopy doula books in the mail and it's so nice to take a quiet moment to read a real book instead of look at the computer screen! 2.) Ive been progressing my photography skills way more lately. Learning a ton from the classes online and just going out to do! I have done a couple photo shoot and even a small wedding!! I am totally in love with photography! 3.) I am DREADING my surgery this coming Wednesday...totally dreading it. I mean I know I need it but shoot I would rather skip the pain of healing afterward. 4.) We have been getting out of the house so often and playing at new places with the kids like this one indoor play place here in town it's awesome and they have so much fun!! And the weather has only beeing getting nicer and nicer so we are outside so often now playing! IN fact I have already gotten my lily white skin two burns this year so far!! Ha Ha I love being a ginger kid and burning so easily!!

 So I am sorry for not being on my blog as often as I was but I promise I am here and will make it a point to be back at least once a week! I have pictures to post from my sessions, I have diaper reviews I need to post, I have post surgery updates...and those may or may not be understandable as I may or may not decide to write while totally off my ass on the pain meds they give :-)

A Glimmer of Hope

 As most know by now The Marine is being faced with a medical retirement or medical discharge (silly military not making up their minds and dragging ass) due to his lupus diagnosis. After what we learned while we were in Pensacola we knew that we would have a real grasp on what our future is after his appointment with his Nashville doctor, and that appointment was today. It went quite well actually, we got there super early and waited forever for the doctor but only because we were super early! See the weather was calling for some major rain which meant we should allow for extra time getting there. When there is no rain at all it means 40minutes early ha ha!

when there are locks on the drawers, they should really be used while I am there bored and waiting. Just saying I steal medical things from doctors offices

 So we told the doctor that The Marine is in fact not taking any of the medications that he is suppoed to be taking daily and has not been taking them since mid-December. Our reasoning was because well none of the meds he had or was taking at the time seemed to be helping, in fact he only seemed to have more rash in more places than when we began this whole lupus journey. So he decided to stop one day after thinking about what his dermatologistsaid once that some people have skin reactions to the types of meds he was on. His doctor did not freak out which we were expecting! She said she could've guessed at some point he would stop just because but actually seemed pleased that he looked so well and was doing great without any meds! She agreed with us that maybe he just doesn't need meds and just needs lap work to monitor his internal organs every so often to make sure nothing bad is happening that we cannot see. As for no all his "meds" are is sunscreen and remembering to use it all the time. People with lupus skin rashes tend to react very badly to the sunlight so remembering sunscreen combats that. So The Marine has nothing right now that limits his duties as a Marine, because he is not on any meds he can be deployed again and that was one major thing the Marines look at. So according to what we were told in Pensacola because he is no longer on any meds and nothing is miniting his duties there seems to be a glimmer of hope that he will be able to stay a Marine!! and I won't have to find a new nickname for him ha ha ha They did some regular lab work on him today and should have all of his records faxed down to Pensacola by next week. Hopefully we hear something from Pensacola after that, otherwise we get to wait until we go back again for word on if his case goes to a medicial review board or gets put away!!

Look closely you can see The Marine in there!

 Now there is a few things I have become torn about. First I am fallen in love with where I live, not just my awesome house but the area and the people here (most of you) I just love! I love having family close for the children, I love having playgroups, play places for the kids, great homeschooling community if we should choose, I have made some great friends here. I just really like the area a lot and if they keep The Marine in than we would have to PSC in other words move a perminate change of station and I would lose all those things. I would be sad and cry, I hate adjusting to new places. On the other hand and this hand wins out by the way we get to keep a steady job in the family with a regular decent pay check, we keep health care benefits, and in general keep the lifestyle we are used to. So those things are on my mind and I will try not to think about leaving here until I have to, if I have to.

 And finally how could I not include random doctors office pictures? enjoy

I would like to know what's so hot about the exam table?

red trash cans are not to be messed with

sharps anyone?

waiting

Hang your coats, we don't have coats

I was like a moth to flame with this light...isn't it cool? It's from the parking garage

He's Going Through the Big D

"Going through the big D and I don't mean Dallas"

 My younger brother is getting a divorce, which is actually a great thing! It will be one year and a handful of days from his wedding date that the divorce will be finalized. Trust me when I say this is a good thing. He married a complete psycho, control freak, money hungry, only it in for health care benefits, total insane bitch. I will spare the long drawn out story about how I came to see right through her before they got married and begged my brother over and over to not go through with it, let's just say I saw her for what she really was when she showed her ass to me and lied about me to my own family. It got so bad that The Marine who was once supposed to be the best man said he would not even go to the wedding. (I was dis-invited and threatened that if I even showed up she would come after me) I told my brother set by set what would happened if he married he including her trying to make him shun and cut out all of his real family members which she did try towards the end because "they are all against them". It turns out things were worse than I had thought they would be, and fell apart faster than I could have hoped for. I won't go into details here besides saying she is totally and utterly insane. I lost my brother for a period of time because of her insainty and whatever hold she had over him. We didn't talk for months and it hurt me badly, my younger brother and I have always been really close. He set me up with my husband when they were merely roommates at MOS school! My brother is a huge part of my life and to have lost him for that time hurt everyday. BUT right before Christmas I got the best gift ever when he started talking to me again and that the marriage was over!!

So he is getting his divorce finalized next month in Ohio (where we are from) and while he is up there I have decided to make The Marine take some leave and go up for a visit while he is there. We will have a little "Happy the crazy bitch is outta your life" themed party and be like old times. I am happy to have him back, I am extremely sorry everything had to happen the way it did. I am sorry she continues to harrass him daily and threaten him...I suggest he get a restraining order when all is said and done actually cause she is that bad.

 but hey... My brother is back in my life. Ladybug sees any red Jeep Wrangler and thinks its her uncle again and all is well. I just have to find him a suitable woman who is up his his standards and who deserve him because he is a great catch, he just makes bad picks!

 who wants to date my younger brother?!

I had a Nightmare of sorts

 Not your typical nightmare of dark, despare, or gloom but a nightmare to me. I was pregnant and in labor being tied down against my will in a stupid hospital. Nurses not caring and telling me to shut up and take drugs trying to force them on me. A nurse holding my legs closed as I wanted to push cause she didn't feel like catching the baby. Suddenly I had the baby, cord cut, and two nurses ran in the room to take the baby for a bath while I was left screaming don't take my baby bring him back. Then I was knocked out by something I woke up later in my dream wanting my baby and was told he was fine in the nursery there was no need for me to be near him. I demanded my baby and took a nurse hostage and made her bring me to my baby who was in a different part of the building for some reason. Finally getting to my baby to nurse him and he didn't want to eat...why? cause the nurse gave him a bottle and I flipped out screaming yelling wth was wrong with the nurse. Her reply was only "because its fine he was hungry" I flipped out took my baby and walked home.
 Yep that's a nightmare to me... if I am blessed with a third child I think I willl just stay home to have the baby, considering everything is ok and healthy

Minding Our Manners-My Family Style

 It seems that minding our manners is nearing a thing of the past and this saddens me. I enjoy polite people who sincerly say thank you or please on a regular basis. I like holding the door open for people and I don't mind waiting for them to walk up to the door, not just the whole hold it open until I walk away type of holding it open either. I am seeing less and less of the general polite public and more of the 'all about me' type of people who don't care about anything but what they are doing or have to be doing. If I go out with the kids myself to say the mall it is an ordeal for me, I would love if anybody seeing me struggle to get the doors open and stay open long enough for the double stroller to pass through to come give me a hand instead of huffing behind me and going to a different door. I think our society is becoming lost for nice-ness and focused more on their own needs. I am trying to teach my children differently but on the same level teaching them not to be somebody's doormat too.
 Yes I do teach my children manners and general polite things but I also do not force them to say things, instead I model things for them. I teach them when is the correct time to say please or thank you and even you're welcome! I happily report Ladybug fully grasps these concepts and even tell people bless you when some one sneezes. She is very friendly and happy and loves to tell anybody hello with a warm smile. Sometimes it concerns me that she is so friendly but I know I am teaching her good things, who doesn't love a sweet hello from a darling 2.5yr old? People comment on her manners often I am proud of thatI want my children to be nice polite people growing up, to me it says they have class and generally care about others. Mister still isn't talking but he can sign please and he does so I know he is understanding it as well! 
 But how do I make sure they don't become doormats later on by being too nice? I know I have become a doormat on more than a few occasions and it hurts my feelings when it happens I don't wish that for them. I want them to becomes strong polite people. I know I shouldn't worry about this right now but I do and I think about the general public taking advantage of them if I raise them 'right'. This will be a bridge we cross when it comes I guess. I wish it didn't have to be such a way, I wish all children being raised right now were learned how to polite and kind. I know they aren't and most will grow up to model the behaviors they see in their own homes :sad face:
 Kind of on the flip side I don't force the kids to share, I know how odd of me right? I relly don't tell them all the time that they have to share becaue why should they? Let's look at an example of something that happened today at playgroup;
 Ladybug wanted in this tunnel thing but there was another child in there and he was there first, so rightfully so he did not have to get out until he wanted to. This upset Ladybug big time she seemed to expect for him to get out and when I told her that he is playing an she needed to wait she got mad. She got to sit on my lap and we talked about it. SO when the lother child got out she was really happy to be able to play!
 This is how they learn in our house, by feelings, yes it sucked to have to wait but it also felt really really good to be able to play when the other kid was done. That is sharing to us, well I guess really waiting their turn. Now on the flip side if one of my kids are playing with something and some other child wants it I do not force them to give it up why should I? They are rightfully playing with it the other child can wait until they are done in their own time. If one of my kids takes a toy (which Ladybug has a huge huge probelm with) form somebody else they get in trouble for it period because that is not nice behavior.

 SO how do you view manners in your house?

Who Wants an Awesome Recpie?

Au Gratin Potatoes

 So The Marine and I went to Ruth's Chris Steak House for our 5th anniversary dinner and they not only had the best melt in your mouth steaks in the world but the very best au gratin potatoes ever!!! So I wanted to adopt the recpie and make it at home. Here is what I came up with and while they are not the same exact they are pretty damn close and really yummy!

3 to 4 medium russet potatoes, peeled
2 cup heavy cream
1 cup milk
3 tablespoons flour
3 large clove garlic, pressed
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon butter, softened
3 cups grated Cheddar cheese
1 teaspoon finely chopped fresh parsley (I often forget this step)

 -So first you wanna mix the cream, milk, flour, salt, and pepper together in a large bowl.

 -slice the potatoes thinly. If they are too think they don't cook right.

 - In your baking dish coat everything in butter and you can just leave some extra in there

 - Layer some potatoes on bottom followed by some of the cream mix and repeat till all is done. Dn't just put all the potatoes in and pour mix over them cause the bottom ones don't get good and coated then.

 -Put in the oven covered at 400degrees for 20minutes

 -Take the lid off and cook for another 40minutes

 -Take out and put cheese on top and bake for another 10-15minites and serve!!

 trust me they are soooo yummy!!! The kids love the cheese and The Marine and I love it all!

 ENJOY!!!!!!!!!

Potty Learning

 This morning I had Mister walking around naked before we got ready to go out grocery shopping. I do this often in the mornings to let it air out I guess since he is in that diaper all night I am sure it feels good to air out a while before having to be in a diaper again. Well while i was flat ironing my hair in the bathroom both kids were watching me no mom can ever go to the bathroom for any reason ever without company. Mister started to pee a little and I know that when a little comes out then stops it means the flood is about to happen so I quickly propped him up on a pink princess potty seat on the toilet. He first had no idea what the heck just happened, that look like hey wasn't I just standing on the floor and now I am sitting up here? Ya I was that fast I didn't want a flooded bathroom floor I had just mopped yesterday afterall. He quickly got over the shock and finsihed his business and seemed so proud when Ladybug started cheering him on saying "YAYAY You go potty, be big boy now!!"  Mister even clapped for himself! Does that mean we are ready to learn to use the potty? Does it mean he is aware of what he even did and why we were so excited for him? I answer both of those with a nope not at all. He is not ready to start potty learning he just simply not fully aware of his bodily functions yet and I do not plan to push him into some kind of training. Let me explain why.
 Potty training to me seems like I should be using newspapers on the floor, treats for doing a good boy, and a rolled up newspaper if you have an accident. Typical of how most people view training a puppy to go outside. Potty training seems harsh, potty training seems like a rigid schedule of making your child sit on the potty to wait and wait. Potty training for me isn't happening here, however potty learning will happen in it's own time.
 Potty Learning in my eyes is showing that pees and poops happen, everybody goes and I want them to learn that people use the potty not diapers for those things. I have read studies stating that a child as young as 18 months doesn't actually have to congnitave ability to control their functions like we do. They are unaware of that feeling, how to "hold it", and how to control it well enough to be officially potty trained. I am also aware of the whole elemination communication deal and while yes they say it's extremely successful *I* just cannot buy into it, it's interesting to me to say the least but not for me. Mister is very unaware of his functions unless he is running around naked and happens to either pee down his leg or poops falls behind him and he wonders where that came from. I am not kidding when I say this child can keep on playing while he poops, he seriously just doesn't notice! Most toddlers will start going into another room or hiding behind something, squat a little and grunt but not Mister not at all...nothing stops him from playing. He goes poop on average 5 times a day, lately here less than but I am not ready to say that he only goes twice a day yet he can still change it up on me. So how do I plan on getting him out of diapers? well it's easy I will wait until he is ready to do so. I will show him (and The Marine will show him) that we go potty on the toilet. We will get excited about it and talk about i and encourage him when he is ready to do so. There is a childs potty chair avaliable for him to sit on as he so chooses and when is he ready he will go and do what he has learned to do.

 My strategy is simple, just wait and he will learn and he will go.

  I am prepared for him being a hardhead because he is, he may learn but refuse and that is fine with me I will not shame him into using the toilet by saying things in the nature of "oh you are so gross for wanting to pee/poop in your pants" At that stage I may try bribes! We will cross that bridge when it comes!

 Ladybug uses the toilet just like any one of us and she did it all on her own. We did teach her and she learned. One weekend when she was 22months old she decided that the potty chair is something she wanted to try out and she did it! She refused diapers at all from that second on, she refused pull-ups as well. They are too diaper like. We went out and bought her undies that weekend and never looked back. Yes she had accidents in the early stages, yes I washed sheets from overnight opps (so we bought a potty chair and nice nightlight for her room and solved the nighttime accidents). She took the lead and she decided when she was ready to go. Do I think Mister will be this easy? Ha HECK NO! he is more stubborn and unwilling but all I can do is stay my course and guide him with love and support...just as we do everything else in our house. 

Rump-a-Rooz VS Flip one size cover review

 It must be well know by now that I have an addiction to cloth diapers and the extreme cuteness. When I was pregnant with Ladybug I came across a company called rump-a-rooz and back then it was still a smaller business in which I got to know the owner (Julie) through myspace and her diaper group on there. I coveted after her diapers they were insanely cute and at that time she was still making custom orders. I was lucky enough to have some of the first degins and my very own sock monkey rump-a-rooz, but I was not in love so much with the smaller fit of the one size diaper I was actually upset because they were such cute diapers they just ran small. I sold my old style rump-a-rooz to better homes because they got lost in rotation at my house, though for old times sake I wish I could have kept that custom sock monkey! *insert me kicking self*
 I have since then switched our entire stash over to mainly covers and inserts, mostly flip system with stay dry inserts but I do have pre-folds and fitteds in the mix. So when Rump-a-rooz came out witht the newly redesigned line of diapers I fell in love with all the new prints and drooled over them often but never buying because I was still afraid of the rise issue. I heard even the new G2 diapers ran on the smaller end, plus I wasn't into pockets so much anymore. I saved my money.
        But then I heard last week they had covers....one size diaper covers with the same beyond cute prints as the pockets. I think my heart stopped for a second or two. I knew what I had to do like all good addicts I stalked my dealers website and facebook page waiting for her to stock and then buy!!! Ha Ha yes it is that bad of a habit trust me! I saw on a facebook page the worry of the rise being the same and running small and I did worry about this until my "dealer" took a picture comparing them to a flip and they seemed more roomy and they had a 4 snap rise vs the flip's 3 snap rise...that was all I needed I bought one. And has since told my husband and has agreed to try and sell two flip covers because for one baby in diapers we have too many....sooo any takers?
 I wanted to take the time and post some pictures I took to compare the rise/size/fit of the rump-a-rooz one size cover VS a flip one size cover. I choose Flip because most anybody who does covers has a flip cover so I think it's a universal standard! Here we go picture overload!

Ya cute right? Loved this print but it was hard to pick just one. Read on to see that I didn't!

Like the pockets the covers have the inner gussets. Thumbs up!!!

This is the inside of the cover, this is the back to where the label is sewn on. Don't worry it won't rub on baby the insert goes on top of this part.

The inside looking at the snaps. Again don't worry an insert covers this so nothing touches baby. Now these snaps I can tell you are heavy duty work-horse snaps!

Here we go with the comparison pictures!



My lovely captions should help here. The RaR smallest setting is smaller than the flip. No mind you this is a newer flip too so the elastic is not worn or stretched much, however the RaR is brand new and not stretched at all.

On the flip this is the middle setting but on the RaR this is only the second setting.

So that's all the size settings for the flip and still the RaR cover has one more to go!
yes those hands you see are Ladybug!

And here we are with both covers on large settings!

So I have a few things to note that you cannot tell from just pictures 1.) the RaR cover is very stretchy but not a flimsy stretch no no the elastic inside there is some good heavy duty made for the long-haul elastic! I am sure it will stretch with more use (pictured was before we had tried it on). I am very sure there will be zero leaking with this cover the elastic will hold whatever my son can muster up inside. 2.) the snaps are also some very awesome high quality snaps and made for some long usage. I have some diapers in the stash that he snaps are ehhh-ok easily to unsnap and snap but not these...Mister will NOT be taking this cover off all by himself any time soon. Not unless he suddenly becomes muscle man! 3.) this cover is not made of the traditional PUL rather it's made from TPU which means basically that the diaper is more enviromentally friendly and will biodegrade when composted in a shorter amoutn of time than the other PUL diapers...wait I'm not sure if PUL biodegrades..oh well thats my take!

 So let's get some action shots. Mister is 17 months now, 23lbs, somewhere around 30 or so inches if I can remember right.



freshly put on! Mister is on the second setting so he has two setting more :-)

 So I know  I just helped you make up your mind and now you are seriously going to go buy every single print there is, right?! I can also not so happily report that the cover does contain a very large, very gross mess as Mister promptly felt the urge to try it out. He must have known mommy was planning on writing a blog post about it, see he knows he saw the camera out and me staging pictures ha ha! So remember how i said it was so hard to pick just one print for a cover and that i really didn't? well I didn't I bought Ladybug doll diapers in cute RaR prints too! Sorry I know you were thinking give-a-way but my blog just isn't popular enough for something like that...maybe over time who knows. Anyway look how cute these doll diapers are, and now she might stop stealing from the diaper pile every day!

To Homeschool or to Montessori School?

 Miss Ladybug turns 3 this June!!! I cannot believe time has gone by so fast! She is such a bright, happy, smart, and eager child right now I just love it! I have been thinking pre-school lately and trying to get a grasp on what the area here has to offer researching this school vs. that school and the different methods of teaching over others. I have come to a few conclusions one being that I want her to be enrolled in a Montessori type school  and that those types of schools come with a price tag that we simply may not be able to afford. And since I seem to have higher standards with all things concerning my kids that leaves me with either scrapping together moneies for school or simple keeping the kids home and homeschooling them.
 So what exactly is a Montessori type school you wonder? (or you don't cause you already know). Well is a method and set of ideas based on this lady Maria Montessori who basically in a nutshell says that children have this self will to learn, they want to learn and if you provide them in an enviorment that enables them to learn with slight directions they will excell. As in nobody actually doing traditional "teaching" that you may be used to. It's a great way of learning and one that I am all on board with actually. I would prefer if my children were left to learn as they want with little actual teaching, let them go for things they want and let the love for school and learning grow not hatred of sitting and having to memorize things daily...that's never fun. I personally was never intrested in school much because I was bored and what they were forcing me to learn I didn't care so much about. I had one teacher in high school I remember because he took the time to find a way to teach me that interesed me and I went from failing that class to loving biology in less than a semster because I felt like this was fun unlike my other classes. This probably also was the reason why college never even seemed like something for me, I didn't enjoy school because it wasn't enjoyable. I want different for my kids.
BUT a huge minus for the Montessori schools is their price tag, they don't come cheap at all. I don't think we can afford most of the schools in my area right now, especially with facing the possibility of The Marine no longer being a Marine. Another HUGE minus came while I was looking over the menu options for these school and I was just appaulled to see McDonalds on one school's list for once a week! WHAT?! Ya go ahead re-read that part I wasn't joking. Also appearing on menus was hot pizza delivered, chick fil a, and a few other fast food places. On the snacks list I saw fruit snacks, marshmallows, pop-tarts and other sugar loaded junk that we actually do not let the kids have or very very rarely let them have. I cannot tell you the last time we even smelled McDonalds in this house to think that they could be eating that once a week was fucking insanity in my mind. Give me a huge break here I know I am not Miss Perfect cook my kids nothing but solid organic meals which I grow in our backyard and kill myself they know what french fries are, Ladybug sees out the car window at a place like Arbys (my personal fav) and says "french fries please no onions or pickles" ?(I don't like onions or pickles ha ha) So they know but it's not like I feed them crap all the time let alone once a week!
 To be fair on every website I visited for these schools they stated that you can pack your child's lunch everyday they come and snacks too, but let us be real for a minute what kid is going to pick her baby carrots and peanut butter snack over a poptart and all the sugary goodness? Would Ladybug really sit there and eat her homemade lunch next to a child who had McDonalds? I would love to say yes she would but I am a real world mom and I know she would pitch a fucking fit to get those french fries. I could always make sure the teachers made sure she ate what I gave her, that would be a fun fight for them as Ladybug is as strong willed as children come. So all this leads me to this other choice I have been thinking about for a long time....
                                                     Homeschooling.

 I love the idea of keeping the kids home and letting them direct me as to what and how they want to learn. Homeschooling pre-school and Kindergarden ages seems to be easy according to methods and things I have read. I love being able to feed them healthy foods. I don't worry about their social skills as we do get out often to playgroups, the park, and other varies kid featured play zones, not to mention the massive homeschool community here and the groups for that.  Homeschooling isn't a decision I am going to take lightly and have been thinking about it for a while now, I have talked and met with other homeschoolers and even an unschooling family (and they were as normal as could be...in my opinion) I have a few books on the basics and beginning of homeschool as well as blogs of real life families and again the massive community here in town I could call on anybody for guidence pointers and tips. I do however worry about my own personal abilities to school the kids. Would I have the patience for this? Woould I know what I am doing all the time? Would I be failing their education and result them to being just another statistic? I know I can always try homeschoolling and if I feel like I am failing we could try formal schools...
 right now I am torn as to what is best for my family and our children. A cross roads that I need to focus on more, the kids are growing up faster than I let myself believe and I need to formulate a plan for their future.

My First Herbal Kit

 I have been getting more and more into the whole herbal healing area and loving things the more I read and find about everything. I found a great site to find just about every supply I could ever need for this adventure too and they were selling a herbal medicine beginners kit for around $70 and I really wanted it! I talked the Marine into letting me buy it so I did and was so excited for it to come in, but then I forgot about it in the midst of my Doula school and Photography school! So it was like a fun suprise when it finally came in the mail one day last week!!

As you can see on the box the website where I found this

 So I popped in the dvd like right away to watch the how-to videos and wanted to start the salve and tincture right away. The salve would be done then but the tincture is still 'cooking'! It came with everything I needed to start things:

1.  To make the Echinacea Tincture it has the little bag of Echinacea root, the jar to soak it in, 3 cobalt blue dropper bottles, muslin bag for straining when ready and labels. The only thing missing was the 100proof vodka which I made The Marine go out and buy for me.
   A tincture is an extract of an herb in an alcohol base. Echinacea is an immune system stimulant for when you feel a cold coming on and is an excellent anti-bacterial for first aid situations.
2. For the healing salve it came with a bag filled with: organic comfrey, organic Calendula, organic St John's wort, Wildcrafted Plantain. Then came the four tin jars for the 1oz salve (perfect for packing in a diaper bag or first aid kit), Then it came with a jar about 2oz in size and the 4oz jar, 1oz of beeswax, Lavender essential oil, and labels, missing was the extra virgin olive oil to infuse the herbs. This salve is excellent for cuts, scrapes, bumps, bruises, itches, inflammations, diaper rash, chapped lips and more.
3. A pack of herbs for a  nettle infusion
4. and finally a pack of elderberries for an elderberry syrup

Missing is the herbs to make the salve as it was on the stove!

So I quickly made the salve while The Marine was out buying things and the kids were napping.

SLowly simmering on a very low heat for an hour or longer-waiting is not my favorite part

waiting with everything ready!

Finally a little over an hour later it was time to strain the herbal oil. Now You want to keep the oil and compost the herbs so I used my mesh strainer over a big bowl.

While that sat I cleaned out my pot and started slowly melting the beeswax

Next I measured out exactly one cup of the herb oil. The ratio for making any salve is one cup oil to 1oz wax.

After your beeswax is all melted you mix your one cup of oil into the pot. Now on the dvd it showed the beeswax hardening when the oil was poured into it but mine didn't do that...my oil was still nice and warm so I didn't have to remelt the wax with the oil. I just let them simmer a minute or two together and poured them into the tins and jars that were provided.



My hands are not exactly steady so i did end up spilling a little bit but everything fit nicely into the jars/tins provided and I had the change to use it on Mister pretty quickly after it was ready. He fell off the end of the couch and bruised up around his eye and on his forehead so i rubbed a little into both areas being careful of his eye. The next day his what i thought would turn into big bruises were barely noticeable! Good stuff!!! I also packed a little jar to take with us while we visited The Marine's family to prevent a diaper rash that he normally gets in dispobiable diapers and he didn't get any rash.

Before we left I also started the tincture and that was easy. Empty the herbs into the jar and top off with 100proof vodka:

Just shake daily and in 6 weeks or so it's done!

the two other things I will make as needed. The syrup doesn't have a long life after it's made. I should go shake that....I have forgotten about it... crap...hope I didn't just screw it up...but its only shaking so shouldn't be so bad...right?