Pete

This is Pete. He is a 2yr old male Brittany looking for a good home to become a part of. I think that home should be mine, although I debate having 3 dogs to care for. It's not like having an extra would be a huge thing for us, we already buy dog food and have dogs. It's the whole 3 dog thing, is that too much? It's no secret I happen to love the brittany breed, as I have for years (since I found out there was a breed named after me actually). I have my Koa, who is so sweet and loving and kind and he just is 100% awesome, most days, so I am sure Pete could be just like that. We are set to meet him this coming Sunday, I wonder if he would be a good fit or not for us. I think I already love him, but that's my irrational mind talking.

The rain outside reflects my insides a vent

 I am kind of gloomy today, well right now anyway, on this the last day of the year. Today the Marine was supposed to deploy but due to his illness he can't, which sucks. He wants to go, I would rather him go over having lupus and I have the right to feel that way, altough I get the feeling that many people don't understand my reasoning. Yes deplolment is hard, I understand that, I have been through 2. But ya know what I would gladly  take it over this shit cause we are looking at a possible medical discharge/ or retirement. I vented on fb a day or so ago that I was hoping to see him soon enough (remind you I am staying with the kids at his parents 1.5hrs away and haven't seen him all week) I think/thought I had the right to miss my husband for a short amount of time and to be a tad sad that plans changed and he wasn't coming here as planned.... but I guess not cause I was quickly reminded that it could be worse he could be actually leaving like he is supposed to.... in my eyes I want to know how it could be worse? I can totally take and handle a deployment I am a strong ass woman and a damned good mother. We already have a routine, I would also sign up for hourly child care on base for shopping and mental health times for myself. The grandparents are close if I really need them. I know I could do it. I surely would be sad and miss him and the kids would miss him but he will be back, he would still have his job, we would still be set for the future.... Instead he didn't leave. Instead he has to go to Florida again sometime soon for his 6 month evaluation for his medical review board and they could say right then and there bye bye you're out... we don't know. The future is up in the air which is something I hate because I am a planner. I had planned on him having this stable secure job as a Marine till retirement, not having to worry about a pay check, or health insurance for the kids, or a home to live in, or the possibilty of him losing the job and having to struggle out where the market sucks and everybody struggles... so tell me, which is worse? which would ou rather have for your family? deployment for 6 months-stable job-provide for family-no lupus or no deployment-might get discharged and lose stable job- still have lupus...
 I have to have the second because that is my life and what I deal with....


 Here is to a better 2011 than 2010 was (althought I said the same thing last new years and that didn't happen).... 2010 sure has been trying, hard, and sad but there was good times thrown into the mix. In 2011 I want better health, more happiness, more insight into our future, and over-all lots of love.

Attachment Grand-Parenting

 Many of you know my parenting style of Attachment Parenting, well mostly anyways. I follow my children's cues and try to meet their every need and know the difference between need and want. I will always support and encourage my children with love and an open heart. My children are very happy and adjusted, besides Logan's normal grumpy-ness anyway. But this post isn;t about me and how I parent my children, it's about how their Nana and Papa do.
 My kids Nana and Papa are The Marine's parents, who live close to us (about an hour away or 'up the mountain' as Ladybug says). They LOVE my kids, pure wonderful love. I know my kids seem to lighten up their lives and make them so happy. They were the first family memebers to meet both kids after they were born (They drove 12hrs straight after I went into labor with Ladybug and came to meet her at 1am in the hospital). They have always been there for the kids, and always always enjoy having them over.
 Ladybug gets to spend nights with them at their house, she has since she was about 11 months old. Recently she started asking me daily to call nana/papa and 'go nana papa house up mountain'. So I would let her call them and talk for a little while but things have been working against her recently, Papa was sick, Thanksgiving happened, I was sick and we waited to see if the kids would get sick (they didn't). But finally Ladybug got her way and she was able to go to their house this past Thursday and holy cow she couln't have got out the door faster if she tried! When she woke from her nap I told her she needed to pack her overnight bag and we went downstairs for me to get the carseat ready and install it in their truck. After that was set she kept saying lets go lets go! So she was off! I knew she was as happy as can be then cause she loves her Nan and Papa so much, sometimes I am pretty sure she loves them as much as she loves me and her daddy.
 The little Mister and I drove up Saturday to spend the day and bring Ladybug back home after her stay. He was so happy to have time with his Nana and Papa too. He loves being tickled and loved on and watched over and have everybody watch what he is up to and play his funny games with him. Sometimes it is harder for me to do all that and keep the house up or get dinner going so it is nice that his Nana/Papa are so very hands on. I say they do tend to me more AP minded than they might think.... they are such hands on and active with the kids there is hardly ever any 'down time' with them cause somebody is always laughing playing and going on and on. They don't tend to let my kids cry for anything besides a simple temper fit that Ladybug has prefected. Nana always involves them in whatever she is doing, cooking, and even has a game to play when she has to potty! (ha ha don't kill me for saying that cause I think it's cute!!). What really brought it home for me today was seeing that they had moved a glider into the room where Ladybug sleeps at their house. I knew then that they had been rocking her to sleep at night and making her as comfy and loved as possible there. When I went into the room to gather up her princess blanket and baby I saw that and it touched my heart to know that yes they are amazingly awesome grandparents to my kids.
 I love my in-laws deeply and now while we may not have always saw eye to eye they are amazing people, truely amazing people who I know are always there for The Marine, myself, and my children. We are lucky to have them so close and I hope that we always will for my kids sakes because they are such a blessing to have in their lives. Today my heart was filled with so much love from such a wonderful day.  It's no wonder my husband is who he is and I love him so much.

Sickness

 I have been sick, so so sick. It started last Sunday and I am just now starting to feel much better. It's been something awful, horrid body pains, chills, sweats, head stuffed up...everything and it spread. My family came down to visit for Thansgiving and they left with whatever I had both my dad and stepmom were sick like me...then my husband got it (maybe he is downplaying but he seems to function better than I did) however my children did NOT get this...thank goodness!! Wondering why?...its simple...cause they breastfeed and because my body made antibodies to give to them to fight it off so they stayed healthy! score another one for momma milk!! lol! yes I know my kids are both over the baby age and still nurse and yes I understand that freaks a lot of people out.... but maybe you don't know that I frankly do not care. It is good for them (case in point they are not sick), and actually normal in most other countries expect this one. I want to keep going till at least after this cold.flu season but then I would actually like to try and suggest they both wean cause I want to be way more agressive with getting this weight off...it's not healthy for me and has been on for far too long...this I am ashamed of. I used to be so skinny now I am a fat loaf... I truely hate my body and basically myself for letting this happen...all my fault.
 anyways...I just am talking cause the Marine is out tonight for a T4T even and nobody is home for me to talk to...so I talk to the computer. I will stop now...should switch laundry loads?