Struggle

 I love doing the mainly attachment parenting thing with the kids. I know it's what is best for them, best for us, and it works for our family. I have been struggling though lately. Almost falling off the AP wagon at times and resorting to threats of spanking and bedroom time outs. Mister has always been a challenge to parent, it's Ladybug who has been extremely trying lately. She is approaching 3 years old and naturally we have coming across problems with defyiance, testing limits, saying no to everything, throwing massive fits, and wanting her own way all the time.
 A few of her favorite sayings these days include "what?", as in her like not wanting to have heard the thing I just asked of her so she says what in reply to a lot of things. "I NOT want to..." do whatever it is that I ask of her like a simple task she took deodarant from the bathroom and ran away with it so I asked her to please put it back which lead to the throwing of herself on the floor screaming "I not, I NOT I NOT". I counted which made her scream louder then I threatened a time out. She put it back but continued her attitude towards everybody around her. "No", she likes no and says it as much as she can. "no mommy I want candy not a banana.." that was a fight this morning with her. I understand candy is yummy but it's not a breakfast food, she then proceeded to call me mean mommy and wanted me to go to a time out.
 Ladybug is bossy and enjoys ordering people around. She will tell you not to be mean to her and if you go against her wishes she orders you to a time out. She is an expert at giving that look to you when you upset her. She hits and kicks when she is super upset, which isn't often as we try our hardest to curb that before it leads to that but when she hasn't napped she gets upset faster. She has been unwilling to nap more and more recently, if she does nap then she wakes up many times at night. We have come to just compremise on a later afternoon short nap and it's ok.
 I know what we are dealing with is so normal for a child her age but it is none the less trying our limits and patience as parents. I said before I love how we parent and I do not wish to change that and start spanking and hitting because that gets you no where. How can you teach a child not to be mean when you are being mean to them?! Just doesn't make sense. The Marine is way less patient with her than I am and this upsets me often. He is quick to jump right into being mean and threats towards her, which I hate. I hate having to remind him that being mean to her gets you nothing but a mean child, she reflects when you teach her. So this area also is having a bad effect of our marriage...it doesn't seem like we are on the same page exactly or we are and I just have more control over myself than he does. I don't know.
 I want her to stop with her behaviors but I want to do this in a way that doesn't curb her headstrong will, or squash her being. I think her being so strong willed and independant is a good thing actually and I want her to maintain these but I need for her to stop being such an attitudely little girl right now. This too shall pass I guess I should plaster all over the house.