I do Miss You Mike

 In my family if you are upset with somebody else you just stop having any and all forms of communication with them. It is how it is and for as long as I could remember things have been like that. My grandma is the biggest offender and probably where the rest of us get this from. Through out my childhood I can remember at one point in time she was not comminutcating with somebody else for one reason or the other, I think everybody has spent some time on the outs with her. It is what it is. It is a cycle of bad comminucation and harbored feelings, when you don't talk to somebody about whats wrong you never solve your problems. My parents did it when they were still married. They really enjoyed talking at each other from another room and never in a good way. Or under their breathe as they huff away from a fight...or plenty of other examples of why their marriage never worked or would have ever worked...
 I am an offender. If The Marine upsets me I walk away, I just get up and walk away. I would rather not deal with it, I would rather ignore my hurt feelings than deal with it. I have been doing better. I do not wish to continue this cycle with my kids. I want them to know and understand healthy forms of communication which will help them now and for the rest fo their lives. I also am doing this for myself and my marriage. I really do love my husband and I know he is not a mind reader...he is a man and men are just slower to see things I think. If I were a lesbian I think it would be great cause we would mesh well and things would be done. But I married a man, ha ha!, and I have to remember that unless I tell him I want something done it won't get done. I don't want to harbor bad feelings towards him and not explain to him why.
 My older brother is about the worst offender of them all. He has not spoken with or even probably though about our mother in near 10 years or so, along with her parents (his grandparents) simply cause they are her parents. I won't get into why he doesn't talk to her and says she is dead but it was a lot from way back when. He hasn't talked to our dad in over a year, that fight was at a Christmas visit when there was a joke made about AT&T vs Verizon and it wasn't handled as a joke so he just hasn't talked to Dad since...I wish I was joking about that but I am not. I doesn't talk to me anymore either over an issue with his mail. He had it forwarded to me while he was training for a new job and well all he ever got was bills and he always told me to throw the bills away. He got court papers for his daughter and I scanned those and emailed them so he would have them...I forgot where they went so when he wanted me to mail his crap back...ya I didn't have anything cause he either told me to throw it away or I had emailed it to him already. He stopped talking to me over that and it will be a year this summer since he has bothered with me.... he even blocks you on favebook if he isnt talking to you. I hold no hope of him even bothering to talk again, so whatever his loss.   
Whats worse is that he has a daughter whom he has seen two or three times and by the time she was a month old had taken off and said he wanted nothing to do with her at all...why? well basically he drove the baby momma away for some unknown reason, prior to my niece being born it seemed like he was excited about it...then he slowly started picking fights and then was like whatever I don't care see ya later...or never. He then ran away across the US... child support courts caught him though which is good for my niece. He at one point when child support started said he wanted to go to court get a dna test and then take custody of her..whatever happened to that I have no clue because he hasn't done anything more than what the court papers have said he has to do. It's a real shame he acts like this but for some reason he just simply does not care at all about anything that is not right in front of his face. He is selfish and ignorant. I wish my brother was apart of my life, I wish he cared about his family, his daughter, or anybody else that's not himself but he doesn't. I get to just accept it and move on, Ive made more than my share of attempts at having a relationship with him and he has always rejected. Thank goodness my kids don't rememeber him at all, and his daughter doesn't know what its like to have him there either. It's probably better for her that way, not ever knowing what its like to have him around or knowing what its like to have him there when he isnt mad and upset with you...
 So that's how it's done there...I miss you Mike... I wish you had some kind of pang to have relationships with your family... in the end of life we are the only ones who are here....as it is now when you die nobody is going to come to your funeral or anything because you don't want us around at all so why should we then? Maybe one day you will see....but until then I will keep breathing.