No TV

 I am seriously thinking about taking the tv out of our living room. It is such an easy distraction not only for the kids but for myself. I could mindlessly watch tv all.day.long. It doesn't matter what is on, I will find something and watch it. The kids watch WAY too much, yo gabba gabba, mickey mouse, dora, diego, handy many, barney, word world, super why....whatever it is they watch it. I know it's a bad thing, a very bad thing. It is also a life habit I learned growing up and seems to be that I cannot change it without something drastic like taking the tv out of the living room.
 When I was younger (cannot remember how old) for Christmas one year my brothers and I got tvs for our rooms! My dad was so great to make the tv stands for all of us and they were really nice, solid wood, open space for the vcr (yep vcr remember those?), a big open area under the vcr for whatever, a hole in the back for wires...the stands were great! We were so super excited to have our own tv's in our own rooms, we never came out of our rooms. After that Christmas family game nights slowly but sharply ended, family dinners came to a stop, family time at nights after dinner ended...family all together ended basically. While at the time we loved our tvs, and maybe my parents thought well we are growing older and more on our own and didn't notice the lack of family, at the time it was fine.... My parents divorced sometimes after that, my brothers and I became strangers to each other, we all at some point got into drugs (for myself it was very hard to find the way out)... years went by and we weren't a family just a group of people blood related. Was it our personal tvs? Not totally but they sure started it in motion. Wonder what would have happened had we stayed a family... But you see where I came from...tv was just always there always on, and it hasn't stopped. Shit the tv is on right now and I am not watching it I am typing... why is it on?! background noise?
 I need to end this, and end it badly. My kids were/are both speech delayed kids...I know it is from the damned tv and my inability to turn it off. Ladybug recieved speech therphy for 6 months to get back on track for her age, Mister is just about to start (he is 16 months and scores at 6 months for communication skills) My fault, I fail them by using tv. I fail as a mother when the tv is on, which means I fail all day long.... I fail my kids and this feeling sucks......so why can I not turn it off?!?!?!  This is why it needs to go like seriously...you might think it is such a dramastic thing but that is the measures that need to happen. If it is there it will be on....so it needs to go. I have yet to talk to The Marine about this, and I am sure he will resist because he grew up the same way, he will see the light in time.
 Why don't I just turn the cable off? well cause I have shows I love to watch!! I love Big Love on hbo and True Blood! Days of our lives is my soap Ive been watching for ages! I will keep the small tv upstairs in my bedroom, we don't spend days in the bedroom upstairs...what will I put in place of the tv there will be a gaping hole in our entertainment center... .... I have to think but we do have plenty of books....or I can stack tupperware boxes of our art supplies in there!!! I think that would be perfect actually! I can move the dvr box upstairs, maybe re-do our bedroom and put the big tv up there actually... maybe in time when the addiction to the tv is lessened we can bring it back, but not for a while... call me weird but this is a serious issue!